The Lost One's Weeping
by inkairu
Summary: This is a story about Len and one of his depressive weeks , this is my first try so , please go easy on me :c
1. This is how my life is

As I open the door, I hear them all fighting over one burnt meal, and again , they had to bring all other contentions over one burnt meal . Great, parents. That's everything I need especially for this 'Holy Day'. And as always , all I could do is to ignore their conflict because I'm too young to ask them to stop it , no one would even hear me if I tried to.

The few steps I had to take before getting to stairs was the longest ride I ever took until this moment. Long enough for me to think all over why did they even have to get together. For all I know people argue seeking an arrangement , but the only think that looks like one here is they'll split up soon. Sometimes I pray that it would end this way , sometimes not.

When I was a the innocent little boy , I thought I had this perfect life , where I have the perfect parent , perfect sister , perfect friends. I remember going on vacations to wonderful places with family , we'd get the best memories one can ever dream of , but I was so greedy back then, I wanted more , I wasn't pleased with my ordinary life. I started making plans for our flawless future too. I was 95% sure that I'd have the chance to live with them all together with those bath times with Rin and those family meeting where you see nothing but a members looking all at each others with a smile , a true one , that shows how much they love you and care for you.

These was my sweet little dreams that back then seemed to be fate when I grow up. But now they are more like dreams. Except that it's the kind of dreams you only fantasize about , but somehow you don't wish for them to become true . Not because you really don't want to , but they need to be brainwashed before we get to that , like restarting a game because you fucked up with a part where that leads to a calamity if you go any further in that game. I don't want them looking at each other as suspects , and people who do care about this little family with eyes that can hold the universe , those of a homeless in a cold winter night.

Finally I took the stairs. I hear the noise of breaking glass , I maintain the rhyme of my path , I start joggling. I look up , the door is few steps away from me finally. Back to my real trouble. I take a deep breath , wishing I could scream as loud as I can , but they would hear me and that's what I'm trying to avoid. Fuck it , why should all people on the world make this pact with my demons ? Like , heey we heard that he has been all weeping and feeling hopeless these days , can it be his lasts , we don't want him to die but we can't miss this show ! So here's the rules , annoy him as long as he doesn't kill himself , if he does that's not that great of a deal but still. Well that's it . I've been through hell and out .

I take off my backpack that felt like tons. That's when I thought that the deal was done with everything , not only people. I lay down on my bed watching the celling. Time for me to recall all what happened for this day. Main two things that marked it aside from that quarrel down side .

My physics teacher lecturing me as the failure I am , telling me how desperate I am and how I have no chance for a delightful future , the thing about this is not that he told me something I didn't expect him to say but more like , that's what I've been thinking all these last days , I just wanted someone that could say the opposite and prove me that I'm wrong ; because really want to end my life , but in the same time I don't , so I'm looking for that will to live, wishing I can fulfill all my promises before I do, BUT I STILL CAN'T TELL WHY PEOPLE BREAK THEM , it's just like : wait they didn't even though about doing something about their why would you care ? I really do hate it when people reminds how of the burden you think you are. Luckily there was that other event that covered up for this !

My 4 years best friend ignored me like , I wanted to believe she was not doing it on purpose but , who am I lying to , the more I try not to believe it the more clues I find that it's not the case. I developed this mini crush on her but , not because I want to be with her but , I just hate the idea that she is with anyone else.

I just wanted to forget about it all , I put my headphones on with volume all the way up as I fall asleep. For the first time in a while this nap was because I was tired , not because I had to escape my reality.


	2. It hits me harder at night

I woke up to the ringing of my phone , it was 19:34 . I checked it was a friend I didn't meet in years . I smiled at the dialer screen then I picked it up .  
-Hey Chibi-kun , It has been quite a while.  
-Oliver , I answered with a sleepy voice. Wassup!  
-Actually nothing , just thought you might lend me some of your video games ?  
For a moment , it all hit me at one .For past few days I was waiting for any of my friends or ex-classmates to call for hanging out or having fun not for anything just so I get rid of that feeling like everyone tossed me out at the same time , when I hear the home phone ringing , I rush to it hopefully it's a friend , but it's either one of my sister's friends or mum's.  
Back to reality , I wanted to curse him for that request of him but between all the words in my head I only could gather these  
-Yish sure ,I said in an empty voice, tomorrow is Friday . if you're free I'll be home all day I have no plans for the boredom or anything anyways.  
Wishing for once, he'd suggest something or notice that I'm weeping for a small hang out.  
-Okaay thank you, it's decided than I'll come by after my gym class , see yaa  
-Bye  
As a tear drops of my eye. Then the line was cut . Now I'm confused about meaning of friendship.  
I started wondering how my sister's high school life was different from mine. Like , for all I know she didn't go out that much , she wasn't the social kind anyways , but what could make it any different than I turned out to have almost no friends ? It's not that I envy her like , I'm just always try to be a close version to her. I gazed at her picture on my wall and without even noticing , I was smiling.I found the answer , that smile of her is magic itself.

I was surprised that just by regaining that smile I wanted to eat something , I sneaked down to kitchen. Passing by the living room , I saw mum leaning on my dad's shoulder as they watch TV together ,and I thought I was moody.

After taking some chips and fast meals I found on the fridge I went back to my room. In my way my father called. I made my usual bored face and heading toward the room , all hoping he won't ask about school.  
-How is going ? He said.  
-Good?

-Oh great , weekends are in 2 days so , you know Rin is coming ..  
-Yea..  
I hate it when he does that like , I know every part of what he's about saying , except for what he truly wants to say.  
-Your mum and I will be out for tonight and we won't come back home until after midnight , so here's a few bucks for your meal . (landing me 13 dollars)  
I took it and while taking my leave , my mum said :  
-Honey your finals are coming soon you'd better be working for them

Dad agrees. Oh please , I know that better than anyone so please , let me mind my business while you mind yours. But I got relieved when dad spoke the words ' Just don't exhaust yourself '. I liked it anyways since dad rarely cared about this .

While heading back to my room I started thinking if I gotta reward myself with those few bucks for amazing myself how I survived and can still go out sometimes even though all this shit I went through this year or else start saving money for Miku's birthday present and just take some Mountain Dews and quick snacks. I went with the second choice anyways. I can be playing music out loud at least for tonight which itself is a good thing too.

I went through the hallway to the stairs into my room in quick steps. My eyes caught my stretch book when I took my notebooks out preparing the surface of my desk for my homework. Therefore, I took it instead and started skipping trough pages. I spotted some few line around the random patterns like , ' you suck' , ' The world would definitely be a better place when you die' . I slowly added this 'I don't want to see anything anymore' and 'Die you piece of trash' . I started looking at the ceiling when I unintentionally grabbed a darker color and started scrawling these lines when I don't know why but anyways I could read the words ' Help me , please'. I took a look out of the window but since I couldn't see the car , I just crawled to my shelf and grabbed the stuffed Pikachu my aunt bought to my sister when she was 7. Her smell comforted me better than anything in the world did. I develop this sister complex whenever I take something that belongs to her or even think about her. I took it to my bed and started crying like the crybaby I am. Why does it have to turn like this? What's wrong with me JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE I'M NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING ELSE. I stayed like this for half an hour when I finally held my fist and decided to do my homework.

I tried my best to concentrate and forgetting about for a little while so I can do my homework. I started with math since I'm quite bad at English , I did great for few first minutes , but even though they are numbers , I suddenly started imagining them as demons. It's not like my thoughts are taking over but just then I realized that even math is not my thing as the equations got harder and even the abacus couldn't help anymore. Just at that exact moment, you get the feeling where like, you're all focusing on 'what's important' or the positive side but then, this important thing betrays you too. That's exactly how fucked up I am at this point.

I decided to drop this and I'm not even halfway already when I received a text from my sister.  
"Hey we're at a party organized by a friend and she was asking about what kind of chocolate we should get and since you're the master I decided to ask you. Lindt or Godiva ? chuuu~"  
I couldn't help but smile , I don't even know why but I just did. God she must be an angel. I played one of her recorded songs 'Meltdown' when I was typing a long text about how much I miss her and stuff and then finally , I deleted everything and just said.  
" If it were to me I'd go for Lindt."  
Then I started waiting for her reply. She didn't reply anyways. My chest ached because I really hate it when you are ignored by your everything. I opened my mailbox then some social medias , there was some new messages but I didn't have enough energy to reply to any of them. I just went through some pages and went to sleep to sleep at 12:18AM since my parents are not home yet. It took a while but I finally did it.


End file.
